Ongoing Regard: Boost the Power of Your Thank You

We cannot underestimate the ‘value of being valued.’  Saying thank you strengthens the bonds between people and re-emphasizes the personal relationship. But a thank you can be even more powerful if it contains the language of ongoing regard. Whether written or spoken it can be transformative for both the sender and receiver. Not only does ongoing regard make both parties feel good, it provides a deeper understanding of the behavior or action being recognized. That recognition is apt to inspire more of that same behavior in the future.

If you make another person feel valued, then they are more likely to support you and your work.

Be Direct.  Deliver your message directly to the recipient. Use the words thank you instead of I’d like to thank…
Be Specific. Describe the precise action you are thanking them for and not personal attributes like generous, helpful, and hard-working.
Reveal Impact. Describe the impact the action had on you, for example: it helped, added, enabled, made better. Avoid using feel-good phrases like, “always there when I need you” or “you did a great job.”

Boast the power of your thank you by describing the impact of the other person's action.

In preparation for delivering your powerful message, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Why do I want to thank this person?
  • What service/skill/behavior did they exhibit?
  • Why is it valuable?
  • How did their action impact my goals and commitments?

 Use the following 5 steps as a script to keep your thank you short and powerful.

  1. Greet. Spell or say his or her name correctly.
  2. Express gratitude. Start with the words, “Thank you for…” naming  the action/behavior you are thanking them for.
  3. Discuss impact. Describe a positive impact their action/behavior had.
  4. Make reference. What did their action/behavior mean to you? How did it make you feel?
  5. Give regards. Write or say, “Thank You” again in closing.
Things to Avoid

To ensure sincerity, stay away from the following:

  • Don’t use general phrases like, “Nice Job!” or “Thank you for all you did.”
  • Avoid the just writing trap. You are not “just writing to say”– that’s stating the obvious.
  • Don’t share unrelated news. This isn’t the time. This is exclusively about thanking someone for their actions or recognizing their behaviors.

 Questions to Deepen Thinking

  • How is ‘making your employees feel valued’ working for you?
  • What might happen if you start giving unexpected ongoing regard messages?
  • How might people feel if you regularly tell them the positive impact of their actions?

 References

Kegan, R., & Lahey, L.  (2001). How the way we talk can change the way we work: Seven languages for transformation. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

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